Our wedding day is often one of the happiest days of our lives. A day we tend to never forget, and a day we often pay thousands of dollars to photographers and videographers to help us remember every detail.
We laugh, we smile, and we cry happy tears on that day that will forever be etched in our personal history book. We lay in the sun, in love, without a care in the world on our honeymoon, and enjoy the common “honeymoon stage” of the first few years of marriage. We cannot imagine things ever going wrong.
But what happens if slowly but surely or even suddenly, the marriage itself begins to decline? Whether it was a big event that caused a significant rift in the marriage, such as domestic violence or infidelity, or something that happened over time, such as “growing apart,” deciding to get a divorce is a big decision, dare I say as big a decision as deciding to get married in the first place.
So, what do you possibly do when divorce is at the end of the tunnel that you’re a few miles from approaching?
1. Take as much time as you need.
Divorce is a huge life event. It can be traumatic for some, but others may even feel triumphant when it is all said and done. Deciding to get a divorce is a decision that takes a lot of thought. Deciding to go from having a significant other to being a single person can be scary for many people.
One of the biggest things that I’ve heard people considering divorce say is that they are afraid of change. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” Divorce is hard. Divorce requires strength. Divorce requires courage. Divorce requires change. But not all change is bad. Sometimes your best days are on the other side of change.
Nonetheless, never let third parties pressure you into getting a divorce NOW. Don’t feel bad for wanting a divorce today, and wanting to make your marriage work tomorrow. Your timing, your choice, because it is your life.
2. Try to make rational, not emotional decisions.
It’s easy to scream “I WANT A DIVORCE” in the middle of a heated argument. Many lawsuits are filed in the heat of the moment. Once the argument dies down, often times people have a change in heart and end up regretting filing for divorce prematurely. Filing for divorce prematurely may result in unnecessary fees and may even make the situation more difficult between you and your spouse.
When you have feelings of divorce and separation in the middle of a heated argument, don’t run to the courthouse just yet. When the argument cools down and you are no longer in a heightened emotional state, really think about what you want, weigh your options, draft your pros and cons list, do all you need to do to make a decision that is more rational than it is emotional. I’m sure your response to me is, easier said than done.
When you are no longer in a heightened emotional state, you’ve really considered your options, and realize that divorce is necessary, it is okay. Celebrate your ability to come to such a terrifying decision, celebrate your courage to face fear, and celebrate your readiness to embrace change.
3. Seek help. Therapy never hurt anyone.
With any life changing event, therapy is often encouraged and needed. Processing an impending divorce may be difficult for some. Getting the right help and utilizing the proper resources to guide you through the myriad of divorce-related emotions is important. Therapy can also help you figure out the best way to have the “divorce talk” with your spouse.
4. Consult with a divorce attorney.
It is important to know what the process of getting a divorce is. You need to get some sort of understanding as to what your life would look like post-divorce. How can I establish a custody schedule with my soon-to-be former spouse? Where will I live? How will I afford to live? Who will keep the family dog? Those are all questions best suited to ask a divorce attorney.
Consulting with a divorce attorney will help you get a better understanding of the law as it relates to property division, custody, and other marital issues. Often times people think, “since all of my bank accounts are in my name, and all of my spouse’s bank accounts are in their name, divorce will be easy.” Think again.
A lot of thought and strategy goes into getting a divorce. It is quite easy to get married but not as easy to get a divorce. Strategy is key. Organization is key. An understanding of the law is key.
Going through a divorce and all it's emotional baggage is a lot. Imagine going through the legal process on top of that. It could become unbearable. While attorneys may be costly, sometimes, peace of mind alone is worth the cost. A little less stress may be worth the cost. Someone to guide you and advocate for you so that your life post-divorce is a new and beautiful beginning, is worth the cost.
If you are considering getting a divorce, Best James Legal is here to assist. With our detailed consultations, we listen and walk you through the legal process and strategize with you as you make a decision whether or not to file for divorce. Schedule a consultation with us today. We look forward to meeting with you soon.